Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
