Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
