i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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