i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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