That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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