im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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