yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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