Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
