Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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