I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
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