Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
