No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
someone owes me an orgasm
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
