My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
