Your face is a jimmy john
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
