im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
