Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
