ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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