the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
