Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I know her cup size but not her name....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
