He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
