I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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