no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
