bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
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I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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