We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
