Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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