Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
