can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
