Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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