the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
