i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This is the high leading the old right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible idea I love it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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