She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do vagina's smell?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
