i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
