And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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