don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
