At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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