So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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