I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
