i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I need moral support for this bender
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
