so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
please come you make the beer taste better
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
