I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
