just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
