Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
