As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
