david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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