I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
