Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
is it fun? or sober?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
