Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
