I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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