Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
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The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
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I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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