Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
is that a dick in a sweater?