she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."