I swear she didn't look like that last week.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
