I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
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