whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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