i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I didn't notice because vodka
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
