They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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