I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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