We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize