Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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