he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
