Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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