I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
